The State of My Affairs*

So, before we get started, let me just explain that the lovely young lady who runs this blog (I'm still not sure what to call you on here, ___; you should get on that) went off to live in Mexico and has abandoned this blog for the summer. Fortunately for all the masses of people out there who read this thing, I get to continue posting on it whenever I want. But because that want really only manifests itself every Saturday, actually, probably less than every Saturday, every Saturday, probably less than every Saturday is what you get. And, don't go thinking this has turned into my blog, because a blog, like a strange skin-melting disease, is never something that I wanted for my own, just something that I'd like to sit back and watch others enjoy.

Ok, now that we have housekeeping out of the way, let's get on to the good stuff.

I had my wisdom teeth removed on Thursday. I wasn't dreading it but I wasn't exactly looking forward to it either. I went in for a consultation on Tuesday though, and when the doctor walked in, my personal opinion polls on the whole procedure just shot through the roof. You should seriously see this doctor. He was a stud. Like, wow. Dang attractive.

Thursday morning rolls around, and we drive over to his office. His nurses get me hooked up to the laughing gas (which I'd never had before, btw), and they tell me to take big deep breaths. I followed their instructions, but nothing was happening. They were a little concerned because my heart rate wasn't dropping like it was supposed to under sedation. Don't worry though, eventually I got the tingly light sensation that they said I would get, and I was just lying there in wonderland. Then the doctor came in and asked me how I felt, and I responded "fine". Then he sat next to me, grabbed my arm, rubbed some stuff on it, and stuck a needle in it. I know I'm weird, but now you can think I'm even weirder when I tell you that I enjoy IVs.

In fact, I enjoyed this whole procedure. It was a walk in the park.

So, I wake up, not really even remembering falling asleep, and they wheel me down to the car. Mama drives me home, I lay on the couch and drool blood and sip Sprite (simultaneously). I feel 100% fine and I don't even say anything strange and my face isn't swollen at all.

(okay, tense change)

At around 6, a group of my friends from school came down to visit me, bringing glad tidings of Jamba. Even they were disappointed to see that I was talking normally and looking...normal(ly?).

Bla bla bla, here we are, Saturday morning. Still feel great. Have probably taken like, 5 pain pills altogether. Minor swelling. Yeah....I'm ironwoman. See look:

(FYI, this picture was taken literally 1 minute after I woke up this morning, which is why my hair is the way it is (kiiind of a crazy night last night). But you'll notice my face is hardly swollen at all, and if you look very carefully, you'll also notice that I'm wearing glasses. That is not just because I lost my contacts or something, that is because I am officially a glasses-wearing woman now.)

So, there's my epic wisdom-tooth story. But here is the real juicy story you've all been waiting for:

While at my consultation on Tuesday, my mother came across a magazine with a bunch of recipes she liked, so she abducted it and took it home with us. When I found it sitting on her bed, I promptly reprimanded her for stealing and then proceeded to look through it. I happened upon a certain article about a certain website that promotes affairs. Like, married people make an account and then other married people come browsing through and think, "Hm, she's attractive, I think I'll jeopardize my marriage and go sleep with her."
Well, I wanted to see what this was all about, because I was kind of in shock, so I did what you don't think I did, but all the same what you are probably secretly thinking that I did anyway, but I wouldn't really do it, would I?

Yeah, I did it. I committed a minor moral misdeed and I created an account, okay?

I made myself a cute secret little username (which I am definitely not going to disclose to you) and uploaded a super washed-out picture of me, and at this very moment, if you go browse that website, you'll think I'm an adorable 20-year old college student living in Salt Lake looking for a lover.

Before you start freaking out, let me just tell you that I have absolutely NO INTENTION of ever getting together with anybody from this site, obviously. I purely did it out of curiosity to see what kind of scumbags I would attract.

And as of today, I have 86 messages in my account inbox, 43 winks, and 9 collect messages. Mostly all from married men, in their mid 30's-40's, who are "happily married," who live around here, who want to get together and have an affair. With me.

Are you disgusted? Because I am so disgusted and I can just not get over the fact that there are millions of men out there who, unbeknownst to their wives, are publicly advertising their desire to have an affair. And here's the real kicker: nearly all of their profiles say something along these lines: "I'm not looking to ruin my marriage. I'm perfectly content, I just want to add a little spice to my life." WTF?

Anyway, now that we're all fully aware of the truly repulsive nature of the men and women in this world, we can all kick back and be glad that we have nothing to do with such an abominable association of people.

I promise I'll delete my account. As soon as I'm up to 100 messages in my inbox. :)