Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

Dear GP,

I have come up with a poem in honor of your date on Friday:

There once was a girl in high school.
She was so cool.

Her Senior year was going well,
When her friends decided to to upgrade it to swell.

They begged her and begged her to go on a date.
She said "No." But they said, "You will, at any rate."

They called their friends and found her a boy.
They said he was great and would sure bring her joy.

She looked for him on facebook, and found her old friend.
Could this be her date? Her nerves were on end.

The day finally came, there was no backing down.
But before the dance, she headed up town.

In Logan she wondered about how her night would be.
She couldn't focus on the task at hand, but continuously had to pee.

Her friend told her to chill
She said, "I feel ill."

So they left Logan, just hours away from the fateful date.
They drove fast so she wouldn't be late.

At home she found she wasn't nervous after all.
She was only peeing from that empty water bottle.

Dressed as a cowgirl, she headed off to meet him.
Her friend told her the boy had a great grin.

At 7:04 she saw him for the first time.
"What was your name?" she asked. "Was it Blain? Was it Styme?"

"Why no," he retorts, "Those are not right!"
"My name is Jake, and it's nice to meet you tonight."

The night was bliss. "Can I meet you again?"
"Do you want my number? Here's a pen."

And the rest is history.

Te he.

Here is that delicious picture that I always want to post whenever I go to post a picture:

That's GP at her best, right there.

The Habits of Humans

When I was in my younger years I was quite an original.

I always ate the marshmallows first in the lucky charms because I hated them and I wanted to save the delicious cheerios for last.

I never wore mismatching socks. Ever.

I always ate my half sandwiches from top to bottom instead of turning them sideways like I hear other children do.

I never let my clothes get inside out when I took them off.

I always put the jam on top of the peanut butter instead of on the other slice of bread.

But those are all habits of my childhood.

Now that I am at this semi medium age of 17, I have gained some different, but no less habitual habits. I repeat: Habitual habits. Ha.

I always put my right leg in my pants first.

I always shampoo, condition, remove makeup, wash face, wash body, and on very special days, shave, when I am in the shower. Every single morning. Every single shower.

I always vacuum my car in a counterclockwise circle starting at the driver's side.

And speaking of chores, the bathroom goes like this: mirror, sink, counter, sweep, toilet, tub, mop.

I brush my teeth starting at the bottom right side, then to the bottom left, then the top right, then the top left, then the outsides with my teeth clenched together, then one quick spurt around all the teeth, then spit, then the tongue, then spit, then rinse twice. The whole thing takes about 3 min. And flossing is a whole other routine.

If I have not absolutely disgusted you yet, please read on...

Let's think about habits of old age.

This is Brom. He is a man of habits. This picture is more than a year old and do you see that shirt he's wearing? He still wears it.

I have known him for more than a year and a half and he has always sang the same songs:

It don't matter to me.

I'm reviewing the situation.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty.

He always says the same things:

Peace. Be still.

Shut face.

Ok ladies and gentleman. And the rest of you.

I lied.

He always grades tests the same way.

He always does the same high adventure things on the weekends.

He always eats the same thing for lunch.

One day I was thinking about the ridiculousness of these habits of his when suddenly it hit me: I am the exact same way.

Sick.

I do NOT want to grow up to be some saggy old woman who does the exact same thing ALL THE TIME and if I keep it up... That is exactly where I am headed!

So here's the deal. If you want to stay young, the key is to break those lame subconscious habits you have been forming for years.

From now on I am a new woman.

I put my left leg in my pants first.

I brush my teeth in a random manner.

And I never shower except on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and the odd days of the month, plus the 16th. But only sometimes.

Here's an Idea

Instructions for an exploratory experience:

1. Turn on the television between 4 and 11 pm
2. Change the channel to the news station
3. Push mute on the remote
4. Watch the news


Here is what you will find:

1. You can read lips a lot better than you would have thought
2. The people in the background are WAY more interesting than the main subject
3. Who really needs ears? Not you.

Memories

You see how the title of this thing is "My Future Blog?" It's a lie. What I am about to relate to you is an element of the past...

When I was a wee girl I believed in Santa.
One lovely Christmas season I started to worry that my actions of the previous year were maybe a little less than nice perhaps.
I went to my mother who was cooking din din in the kitchen like any good mother would be doing at that time, and I asked her if coal stains.

Yes. Coal stains.

You may imagine my devastation when I heard this. I had a beautiful, beautiful white stocking with an adorable kitten on the front. I knew when Santa placed that wretched piece of coal inside, it would be ruined forever.

There was only one thing I could do.

I went to the living room couch and prayed my little heart out. I apologized for all the bad things I had done that year and promised I would be really good for the rest of the year and I would be so nice and so obedient and I was so so sorry and please please please don't let Santa ruin my stocking with a black piece of coal.

He didn't.

Praying works.

It just keeps getting better...

Here I am sitting in Mz`s room BLOGGING from my PHONE. And to make things even better, I will attempt to add a picture:

Well. At least I tried.

E.N.O.U.G.H. said.

You wouldn`t spend so much time worrying about what everyone else thought about you if you realized how little they do.

My Technologically Advancedness is Off. The. Hook.

Welcome to my first step at entering my future. Isn't it fabulous? I simply cannot wait. Here's to you, Global Phenomenon.