Dear Wart Remover,

I hate you.

You are dumb.

Do you not know that I am a poor college student who does not want to buy the real thing?

Do you not know that as a poor college student, I do not own one of those green sticky things OR a pair of pliers?

Do you not see the dumb wart on my finger that gets bigger everyday?

Now that you do know, please just open.

None of my love,

Me.