Kiss Me Baby One More Time

Thoughts from Thursday on My Love Life

H2O and I went to the toy store today for a class of mine. It was the cutest thing. There were marbles and train sets and stuffed animals galore.

At the back corner of the store there were a few little quarter game machine things. There was one that you could shake Uncle Sam's hand and he would tell you what kind of hand shaker you are. And there was a freaky devil palm reading one.

And then there was the Love Tester.

Now, how can you blame me when the words under the title said, "See how well you rate."

You just can't blame me, I tell you. No doubt every person reading this blog would have gladly put a quarter in the machine for a love rating box like that.

Immediately after seeing this game, I knew it was for me. So I begged and begged H2O to donate a quarter to this worthy cause but twas all in vain.

Then I dug through my minuscule purse for like 5 whole minutes looking for a blasted 25 cent piece.

In the end, I came up with two dimes and five pennies.

The wonderful toy store worker joyfully traded me for a quarter, and I was back at the machine, ready for action.

I put my quarter in the designated slot.

I pushed the tray thing in, feeding it my money, and activating my love testing fate giver.

I squeezed the palm thing so it could get a good feel of the romantic me.

The light went up and down the machine, each time passing words such as wild, hot stuff, and sexy.

Which one would it land on! Which one would be me!

I held my breath.

The light stopped.

I looked to the right to behold my romantic destiny.

BLAH!!!!! ARE YOU BLEEPING KIDDING ME?!?!

No. No, in fact it was serious for crap's sake.

I said a mild expletive in my head and gave the machine a good punch.

Last time I pay a quarter for a worthless machine to tell me that.

As I stomped out of the store in a mad rage, I heard Britney Spears singing to me in my head. And no, it was not kiss me.

It was, "HIT me baby one more time!"

At least I'm not clammy.