They have so much fun. And would you like to hear something great? They have the same name. It's adorable. So we are going to call my roommate Dashboard and her bff will be Confessional. Get it?
One day, Dashboard says to me excitedly, "I think Confessional is coming over tomorrow! She's going to bring some friends. I don't know any of them. I told her I will provide brownies and ice cream. I think we're just going to hang out outside most of the time because she has a friend that can't get up the stairs very well, I guess."
I said, "Sweet. Sounds fab."
The next day I went boating. But the weather was bad so we had leave early.
I got home around 3 to behold three people on the couch. Dashboard was on the right, and Confessional was on the left, sitting on the lap of some mystery man who we will call Charger.
Yes. Confessional and Charger were "all over each other" if I may say so. I didn't know it was possible to be a third wheel in your own house, but somehow Dashboard had managed it. She was just sitting there on the couch next to them. It was strange.
And guess what else. Charger had no lower legs. Now, I'm not against legless people, I'm just saying, it added to the awkwardness of the situation. He and Confessional kept making references to them.
I wanted a snack and since the kitchen is connected to the living room, I got to spend the next few minutes conversing with these three. Charger and Confessional were constantly talking about marriage and they both had rings on their fingers. So I said, "Are you two engaged?"
"Well, not officially. His parents would kill him if we told them we were engaged right now."
Seriously, if they were not talking about marriage, they were talking about how Charger's parents would flip at this and freak at that, and they kept acting like his parents were so strict.
And then Charger says this: "Well, my dad does say, 'Why get married when you're getting what you want?'" And he busts up laughing.
And then Confessional says: "Well, we haven't. . ."
And Charger says: "Ya, I know. . ." And continues laughing his face off.
Oooookaay. Uh. What?
And poor Dashboard is just sitting there on the couch next to these two.
Can you imagine that? You think your bff is going to come chill with you and lo and behold, she has found a new bff and it's a boy and they are basically engaged and you had no idea.
When they left I asked Dashboard, "So, did you know Charger before today?"
She said, "Nope. This was my first time meeting him."
"That would be...weird."
"Ya. It was."
Right then and there I made a pledge that I will never do that to someone, especially my bff. That is just harsh. If that happened to me, I would probably cry my eyes out. Or punch someone. Ew. GP, please at least warn me when you are nearly married, okay? Thanks.
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